18 years and counting...

well, this was an awesome day. and i still got my party on friday. i was a litte sad that some people couldnt be here, like my broseph. buut the people that were here alllmost made up for the people that couldnt be here. i loved today...seriously! tons of people honestly tried their best to make it my best day ever which i totally appreciated. these 18 year have been long, but cool. it feels like for awhile there i forgot all the little parts of my life that made it significant. liiike with the business of life. but these past few days ive been realizing how much of a beautiful life i have had. filled with people who truly care about me. and want the best for my life. and i apologize to those people for pushing those moments aside like theyre nothing. those people dont know exactly what they are..buut that doesnt matter. i am just truly greatful and blessed for the peope in my life. and all the times thast theyve given me. i hope with this new chapter of adulthood i can learn to appreciate the small things just as much as the big things. and to enjoy all things. :] thanks all of you who continue to love me through all my crazy emotions. youre the ones who make it count! much love friends.

sparrows, lilies, and worries.

This is what I tell you: do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn’t life worth more than food? And isn’t the body worth more than clothes? Look at the sparrows: they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren’t you worth much more than many sparrows? Can any of you live a bit longer by worrying about it?

And why worry about clothes? Look how the lilies grow: they do not work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers . . . So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
[Matthew 6:25-34]

well, thats my absolute favorite verse of all time. not just because i absolutely love birds and flowers. this verse is actually the reason i love birds and flowers. because growing up and even now, i worry about the most pointless things. and will any of of it add time to my life? no, not in the least bit. it takes from my life, every moment i spend worried about everything pointless, a moment i could of spent thinking about how to add to my life and the people around me has been taken away. yes, its true that life is scary. and you dont know what will happen from one moment to the next. and maybe if you do this or that someone will be upset, or youll make a mistake, or if you do this at work they fire you. its stressful..life is stressful. but dont you think god knows that. but we as arrogant humans that we are, we like to pretend we are god. and we like to think for one moment we can fix it. and we dont accept help from people. we just try to do it. and then we get stressed out and eventually it will lead to self combustion. no im kidding. buut seriously. we dont need that. the lilies dont go on a rampage every morning about what to wear, or the sparrows dont freak out because they dont know where theyre going to get their food, but yet..theyre still living. they still get provided for. so dont you think that god will handle it. we arent god. we cant do it all. there is no sense in stressing ourselves out and worrying. give god control. chances are..he has done that before. he has handled those same problems.
"in my heart and my soul
i give you control,
consume me from the inside out lord,
let justice and praise,
become my emrace
to love you from the inside out"
give god control. he handles the sparrows and the lilies. surely we are more important than they. he will handle me too.
i give it all to you.

ch ch changes

turn and face the strain.
so today i took out my nose ring...which was a lot harder for me to do than anyone would think. and i had to. i didnt want to but my work was making me get a stud and then i couldnt find one so i just took it out completely. and the whole time of doing it i kept thinking of one time when i was at H.O.P.E. with the baxters -rachel and gretchen was singing changes by david bowie and instead of singing "ch ch changes, turn and face the strain" she was singing "ch ch changes turn and run away" and she didnt know and it was funny but i got to thinking today while taking out my nose ring at how often we turn and run away. instead of accepting things how they are we choose to just run. time may change you, but you cant trace time. things happen. you get older. you start a new chapter of life every once and awhile. and during it all you begin to realize that you just gotta face it. i dont want to take out my nose ring. i dont want to work and go to school. but i have to. i mean taking out my nose ring isnt the only change im going through but i think it was the opening to the realization that there are so many changes going on that im trying to run from. because i want to please everyone and myself. but i have to just change them.
genesis 24:50 "this is clearly from the lord, we cannot change what must happen" this are going to happen because they need to. people are going to pass away, your campus is going to move, your position will be something different, you might have to take out your nose ring, or stop buying things and save money. and those seem like negative things. but they need to happen. you cant change what needs to happen. sometimes you can even choose what you want to change. i know its crazy but not everything changes just because it has to. there are times when you change because you arent happy with how things have been. im tired of always arguing, so im going to change that. im tired of being tired, so im gonna change that. im done with having to please everyone. so im going to change that. life and things and change is only negative if you make it. im learning to live with the crazy changes that must happen
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