the most important thing to having a team

i am realizing lately how important it is to have a team. whether it be just one teammate or 8 teammates..its important that we dont do life alone. the word team is basically a group of people on the same side. fighting for the same purpose. the good thing about having a team, ive found, is that no one has to feel at fault because when youre a team..it could be a mixture of everyone needing to change. when youre a team it means youre all fighting to come out on top. its not good to no have anyone to fight with you. id say my team is me jesus and adam. it seems like no matter what the 3 of us are always for eachother. which is good to know..the good thing about having a team is no two people are the exact same. so there are things that you could be good at that maybe your teammate isnt so good at or visa versa. which is good that way you guys have differences. like i am really good at listening and adam is really good at communicating what is on his mind in a polite and understandable way. and with jesus on our side. we get the perfect mixture because he teaches me to say what i need to say and i teach him to just take some time to listen. i guess what i am saying is that we werent meant to do it alone. and for a really long time i thought that i had to..that i could handle it. but now letting myself have a partner in crime..i notice that i shouldnt do it alone if there is someone willing to help me through. and dont get me wrong..im not saying you need an awesome boyfriend like adam..but just get someone..anyone. a group of friends or just one that you can really trust. ive found living everyday to be a little easier.
x+1

mary william evdokimnoff phipps

oh what a name. ive never heard a more beautiful name. as i was growing up..she was growing old. and as i got to the age where i could actually comprehend things she was forgetting more and more. but even then i knew her heart. i could see it in the way she treated and served my mom, and family. and from the stories i heard. and her smile..that she was amaazing.
when i was born she was 80 years old. and at the age of 86 when she would walk to my house to spend the day with me. and eat toast with me. and sing with me. and talk with my mom i just knew that there was no one else like her. i remember the one and only time i spent the night at just her house. she made sure i had a cup of water and enough blankets. and she walked me home the next morning. and i was a kid, and i was asking when we would be done walking..and she just held my hand and said "almost, almost" she was soo strong.
attending her funeral was one of the most amazing things ive ever done. hearing people older than i talk of her made me know her soo much more. things that i knew where there, things that i just learned. i want soooo badly to live my life just as she lived hers. sooo in love with the people she met. always serving everyone around her. making everyone smile. i remember sitting in the funeral seeing people that i have never seen before and asking..."who are these people at MY grandma's funeral? how do they know MY grandma?" and then hearing all that they had to see..showed me that she was not "my" grandma..she was everyones something..she had sooo much love to throw around to everyone..impacting everyone around her. she will be missed sooo much. but if i know her like i swear i do, she doesnt want me or anyone else to fret because she is dancing with the angles. there is a party up in heaven just because she is there. and im sure she is serving everyone around her toast and coffee..i know it.
she belongs to His most deepest nature.

if life is a play, i am in intermission.

i am noticing that right now in life, i am either at the climax..or the resting point. i am either at the climax of figuring out who i am..or i am in intermission..just waiting for the next scene. im not sure which..id like to think its the climax..buuut im only 18 (almost) soo there has got to be more left. i cnat be at the peak. so maybe it is intermission..which i am okay with. maybe god is just taking some time to sweep the hallways. or go buy some popcorn. and i might feel a little purposeless and out of touch. buut i think thats just apart of getting to the next. of getting to what is to be.
soo im waiting. :]

number one.

well i suppose i realized i keep a lot to myself. a lot more than people probably realize. and so if people are wondering how i feel then they can. but i shouldnt expect everyone to come talk to me. lately....ive been feeling like no matter what i do..im going to be leaving someone unhappy. and i hate that. the type of person i am is i am a total people pleaser. i feel like its my downright duty to make sure everyone else is okay. and it doesnt matter how i feel because someone else will have my back. but not always does that happen. not always is someone going to have my back when i am feeling this way. so i am like getting upset with everyone because they arent there for me. "no one wants to listen to me. no one wants to help me." but what i realized i was doing is i am using my strength to judge their weakness. not everyone is going to be able to listen like i can. sometimes i am going to have to put it out there and hope someone hears me. soo thats why i have this blog. ahahah not because i am struggling so terribly, but because i like to think. and i cant think because i am full. i have spent all my time thinking about this one thing and so i cant think about anything else. so if care to lend an ear...or in this case, some eyes...then now i am speaking..or typing. :]
cool beans.