number one.

well i suppose i realized i keep a lot to myself. a lot more than people probably realize. and so if people are wondering how i feel then they can. but i shouldnt expect everyone to come talk to me. lately....ive been feeling like no matter what i do..im going to be leaving someone unhappy. and i hate that. the type of person i am is i am a total people pleaser. i feel like its my downright duty to make sure everyone else is okay. and it doesnt matter how i feel because someone else will have my back. but not always does that happen. not always is someone going to have my back when i am feeling this way. so i am like getting upset with everyone because they arent there for me. "no one wants to listen to me. no one wants to help me." but what i realized i was doing is i am using my strength to judge their weakness. not everyone is going to be able to listen like i can. sometimes i am going to have to put it out there and hope someone hears me. soo thats why i have this blog. ahahah not because i am struggling so terribly, but because i like to think. and i cant think because i am full. i have spent all my time thinking about this one thing and so i cant think about anything else. so if care to lend an ear...or in this case, some eyes...then now i am speaking..or typing. :]
cool beans.