hmmm

im beginning to notice myself trying to break out of the routine of life i set on myself for so long. for so long, i could tell you what i was doing every day of the week, at what time, and how id get there...exactly. liiike to the t of when id change lanes. and when it suddenly dawned on me that that isnt exactly the most exciting way to live, i started to change it. and its little things to, liiike for instance when i am driving home from adams house, i would get on the freeway and immediately get in the far left lane and stay there until i reached dos lagos, then id get in the middle lane, and when i got to cajalico i would get in the right lane to exit at el cerrito. but now what ill do is ill stay in the left lane as long as i can. and then jump across both lanes. and that might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, i have to seriously tell myself, "okay aly, really try your hardest to wait to get over." and you may say well, changing lanes isnt that big of a deal. but when you look back on how anal id get about it. then you start to realize that perhaps im not the laid back person i come off to be. my mind is going 500 mph even when my body is going 3mph. soo, i feel if i take it slow and make slower changes i can start to see that life is easy. and it doesnt have to be soo structured which is something really hard for me to see.
soo yeah :]

18 years and counting...

well, this was an awesome day. and i still got my party on friday. i was a litte sad that some people couldnt be here, like my broseph. buut the people that were here alllmost made up for the people that couldnt be here. i loved today...seriously! tons of people honestly tried their best to make it my best day ever which i totally appreciated. these 18 year have been long, but cool. it feels like for awhile there i forgot all the little parts of my life that made it significant. liiike with the business of life. but these past few days ive been realizing how much of a beautiful life i have had. filled with people who truly care about me. and want the best for my life. and i apologize to those people for pushing those moments aside like theyre nothing. those people dont know exactly what they are..buut that doesnt matter. i am just truly greatful and blessed for the peope in my life. and all the times thast theyve given me. i hope with this new chapter of adulthood i can learn to appreciate the small things just as much as the big things. and to enjoy all things. :] thanks all of you who continue to love me through all my crazy emotions. youre the ones who make it count! much love friends.

sparrows, lilies, and worries.

This is what I tell you: do not be worried about the food and drink you need in order to stay alive, or about clothes for your body. After all, isn’t life worth more than food? And isn’t the body worth more than clothes? Look at the sparrows: they do not plant seeds, gather a harvest and put it in barns; yet your Father in heaven takes care of them! Aren’t you worth much more than many sparrows? Can any of you live a bit longer by worrying about it?

And why worry about clothes? Look how the lilies grow: they do not work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers . . . So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
[Matthew 6:25-34]

well, thats my absolute favorite verse of all time. not just because i absolutely love birds and flowers. this verse is actually the reason i love birds and flowers. because growing up and even now, i worry about the most pointless things. and will any of of it add time to my life? no, not in the least bit. it takes from my life, every moment i spend worried about everything pointless, a moment i could of spent thinking about how to add to my life and the people around me has been taken away. yes, its true that life is scary. and you dont know what will happen from one moment to the next. and maybe if you do this or that someone will be upset, or youll make a mistake, or if you do this at work they fire you. its stressful..life is stressful. but dont you think god knows that. but we as arrogant humans that we are, we like to pretend we are god. and we like to think for one moment we can fix it. and we dont accept help from people. we just try to do it. and then we get stressed out and eventually it will lead to self combustion. no im kidding. buut seriously. we dont need that. the lilies dont go on a rampage every morning about what to wear, or the sparrows dont freak out because they dont know where theyre going to get their food, but yet..theyre still living. they still get provided for. so dont you think that god will handle it. we arent god. we cant do it all. there is no sense in stressing ourselves out and worrying. give god control. chances are..he has done that before. he has handled those same problems.
"in my heart and my soul
i give you control,
consume me from the inside out lord,
let justice and praise,
become my emrace
to love you from the inside out"
give god control. he handles the sparrows and the lilies. surely we are more important than they. he will handle me too.
i give it all to you.

ch ch changes

turn and face the strain.
so today i took out my nose ring...which was a lot harder for me to do than anyone would think. and i had to. i didnt want to but my work was making me get a stud and then i couldnt find one so i just took it out completely. and the whole time of doing it i kept thinking of one time when i was at H.O.P.E. with the baxters -rachel and gretchen was singing changes by david bowie and instead of singing "ch ch changes, turn and face the strain" she was singing "ch ch changes turn and run away" and she didnt know and it was funny but i got to thinking today while taking out my nose ring at how often we turn and run away. instead of accepting things how they are we choose to just run. time may change you, but you cant trace time. things happen. you get older. you start a new chapter of life every once and awhile. and during it all you begin to realize that you just gotta face it. i dont want to take out my nose ring. i dont want to work and go to school. but i have to. i mean taking out my nose ring isnt the only change im going through but i think it was the opening to the realization that there are so many changes going on that im trying to run from. because i want to please everyone and myself. but i have to just change them.
genesis 24:50 "this is clearly from the lord, we cannot change what must happen" this are going to happen because they need to. people are going to pass away, your campus is going to move, your position will be something different, you might have to take out your nose ring, or stop buying things and save money. and those seem like negative things. but they need to happen. you cant change what needs to happen. sometimes you can even choose what you want to change. i know its crazy but not everything changes just because it has to. there are times when you change because you arent happy with how things have been. im tired of always arguing, so im going to change that. im tired of being tired, so im gonna change that. im done with having to please everyone. so im going to change that. life and things and change is only negative if you make it. im learning to live with the crazy changes that must happen
=]]

the most important thing to having a team

i am realizing lately how important it is to have a team. whether it be just one teammate or 8 teammates..its important that we dont do life alone. the word team is basically a group of people on the same side. fighting for the same purpose. the good thing about having a team, ive found, is that no one has to feel at fault because when youre a team..it could be a mixture of everyone needing to change. when youre a team it means youre all fighting to come out on top. its not good to no have anyone to fight with you. id say my team is me jesus and adam. it seems like no matter what the 3 of us are always for eachother. which is good to know..the good thing about having a team is no two people are the exact same. so there are things that you could be good at that maybe your teammate isnt so good at or visa versa. which is good that way you guys have differences. like i am really good at listening and adam is really good at communicating what is on his mind in a polite and understandable way. and with jesus on our side. we get the perfect mixture because he teaches me to say what i need to say and i teach him to just take some time to listen. i guess what i am saying is that we werent meant to do it alone. and for a really long time i thought that i had to..that i could handle it. but now letting myself have a partner in crime..i notice that i shouldnt do it alone if there is someone willing to help me through. and dont get me wrong..im not saying you need an awesome boyfriend like adam..but just get someone..anyone. a group of friends or just one that you can really trust. ive found living everyday to be a little easier.
x+1

mary william evdokimnoff phipps

oh what a name. ive never heard a more beautiful name. as i was growing up..she was growing old. and as i got to the age where i could actually comprehend things she was forgetting more and more. but even then i knew her heart. i could see it in the way she treated and served my mom, and family. and from the stories i heard. and her smile..that she was amaazing.
when i was born she was 80 years old. and at the age of 86 when she would walk to my house to spend the day with me. and eat toast with me. and sing with me. and talk with my mom i just knew that there was no one else like her. i remember the one and only time i spent the night at just her house. she made sure i had a cup of water and enough blankets. and she walked me home the next morning. and i was a kid, and i was asking when we would be done walking..and she just held my hand and said "almost, almost" she was soo strong.
attending her funeral was one of the most amazing things ive ever done. hearing people older than i talk of her made me know her soo much more. things that i knew where there, things that i just learned. i want soooo badly to live my life just as she lived hers. sooo in love with the people she met. always serving everyone around her. making everyone smile. i remember sitting in the funeral seeing people that i have never seen before and asking..."who are these people at MY grandma's funeral? how do they know MY grandma?" and then hearing all that they had to see..showed me that she was not "my" grandma..she was everyones something..she had sooo much love to throw around to everyone..impacting everyone around her. she will be missed sooo much. but if i know her like i swear i do, she doesnt want me or anyone else to fret because she is dancing with the angles. there is a party up in heaven just because she is there. and im sure she is serving everyone around her toast and coffee..i know it.
she belongs to His most deepest nature.

if life is a play, i am in intermission.

i am noticing that right now in life, i am either at the climax..or the resting point. i am either at the climax of figuring out who i am..or i am in intermission..just waiting for the next scene. im not sure which..id like to think its the climax..buuut im only 18 (almost) soo there has got to be more left. i cnat be at the peak. so maybe it is intermission..which i am okay with. maybe god is just taking some time to sweep the hallways. or go buy some popcorn. and i might feel a little purposeless and out of touch. buut i think thats just apart of getting to the next. of getting to what is to be.
soo im waiting. :]